Living with Anxiety and Panic.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_disorder


OK, so there is the "official" Wikipedia article on Panic Disorder. I have been living with this for 3 years, and right now I am going through the anxiety one experiences when they are first diagnosed with it.

SYMPTOMS: Your heart hurts. Your heart beats too fast. You worry you are going to have a seizure because you shake and tremble. You worry you may have an aneurysm because your head is filled with so much pressure. You can't sleep even after taking a prescription sleep-aid. You honestly feel as if you have everything imaginable. I am actually describing these lightly.

YES: I live with this everyday. It is controlled by many medications; too many. As I'm sitting here writing this post, I am experiencing every symptom I just described. I am actually feeling these ten fold because I am going through Benzodiazepine withdrawal which = HELL ON EARTH. This can cause real life-threatening symptoms such as seizures if you stop abruptly. Unfortunately, I ran out of my medication and have one-fourth of my regular dosage to last me 4 days.

WHAT TO DO? As of now, no doctor as helped. Neither my psychiatrist or internist "handle prescriptions after hours," which absolutely blows my mind. These doctors KNOW what happens when you stop your medication suddenly or run out or decrease the dosage too fast. They know these symptoms and risks, yet they haven't done ANYTHING to help me except tell me the obvious "go to the ER." My pharmasist also could not give me a few pills until my refill. Well, at this point in my life I don't have health insurance and after a bad car accident am living with unsupportive parents who won't take me the ER because they don't know what anxiety is and don't seem to care to learn. If my boyfriend took me, I'd still have a huge bill for a few pills. I have chosen to take the hard way and try to handle it until I can talk to my doctor during "regular business hours." I'm finally realizing that's all doctors are now. A BUISNESS. The business of people going through hell? Yes.

CROSSROADS: Do I blame myself? Do I blame the doctors or at least MY doctors who aren't helping me at all right now? No Web site in the world can give me comfort.

I am debilitated and I have to sit here in my anxious body and wait. This is what it has come to for me to realize that maybe I have to be cynical this time. When it comes to my health, your health, anyone's health, you have to completely selfish.

THE END? I don't even know how to end this post. My mind is so mixed up that I can't find the strength to do what I love. So, I will just post an update tomorrow, when I can call the business about my possible life-threatening condition.

PLEASE COMMENT if you live with anxiety or have any helpful articles. I can support and help anyone who lives through this, or knows someone who lives with this.